Post graduate expectations vs. reality

When you're not content with a specific area in your life, you begin to bargain. "I may not have a job, but at least I have savings." "I'm far from home but have a partner." It's often challenging to unchain yourself from the impossible standards you've set forth.

You start obsessing about what needs fixing and how to move forward. The truth is, there's no timeline for ambition. Despite our hardships, I believe we are precisely where we need to be. It's easy to wither yourself away to nothing, but it's harder to take the first step towards a better life.

I've been excessively applying for jobs with nothing to show for it. I've contacted some hiring managers and friends, but everything feels stagnant. I know dozens of others are experiencing the same thing, but my happiness is diminishing.

I must mentally prepare myself for work daily— that's not normal.

Between the disgusting coworkers, toxic environment, and micro-manager, I'm no longer patient enough to wait for something better. However, I have no choice. So, I glamorize my situation by painting a beautiful picture of my life in my head.

I wake up in the morning, admire my clear skin, iron my clothing, and throw on expensive makeup because I'm a sales associate. There's an image you have to uphold to sell people clothing. They want to see you're polished and pretty, even if they don't buy anything. I slink down Madison Avenue as if all eyes are on me because it sets a positive tone for the day. Pretending my life is cinematic is better than nitpicking everything I hate about working at Saks Fifth Avenue.

Upon entering the building this morning, I took the elevator to the fifth floor and locked myself in a dressing room. It's been a safe place of mine these days. Contemplating whether I wanted to turn on my customer service personality, I peek outside long enough to admire how beautiful the day is and leave with no sales in for the day.

I wandered for blocks on the Upper East Side and picked up an overpriced sandwich, hoping it would alleviate my anxiety; it didn't. There was nothing else to do but soak up the UV 7 and savor the sliced fruit I purchased from a little Spanish lady in Central Park. The accelerated pace of the City never fails to slow me down when I feel like the world is being pulled out from under me.

Walking and taking a minute to process my emotions in solitude was relatively peaceful. No friends, no man, no family—just me.

Eventually, I stopped wallowing long enough to realize that uncomfortable circumstances allow a person to evolve. Nobody can take away what's meant for you, so there's no point worrying about where you "should" be because you're already there. Living up to your standards is extremely difficult if they're high, so it's essential to admire your talents so you can manifest good things for your future.

My manager blew up my phone in time for me to grab a coffee and sprint back to Saks. I was snapped out of my funk, appreciated my situation for what it was, and continued my life as a 23-year-old sales associate.

Yours truly, <3

David